Last night was a good discussion. I am in such a different place than I was a few years ago regarding the Holy Spirit. I wanted to see all the miraculous happen, I wanted to see the power of God demonstrated here and now. I have had many people tell me that I have the gift of healing and I wanted to see it in operation. I asked God why things don't happen like they did for Smith Wigglesworth, or like they happen over seas. His answer was that we couldn't handle it. Very much what Eddie Daily said last night, our pride would destroy us.
As I have drawn closer to God's love I have been less concerned about how He works in my life and those around me. Instead of wondering what God can do for me or through me, I have really tried to just know Him. As I learn more and more about grace, I love God all the more. As I am consumed by His love for me, I worry less and less about seeing His power being displayed. I am seeing it. Every day I see the miracle He has done in me. I see the miracle He has done in others.
Peter had a new boldness after his 50 days between the crucifixion and Pentecost. So much happened in those days. But, Peter did not see healings everywhere he went. His shadow even healed people, but that is not what Peter really cared about. He was in relationship with the lover of his soul like never before. The Spirit gave him the words when he answered the leaders, that could well have been his infilling anew that is mentioned.
John did not change as much as Peter. John was quiet before and after. John knew Jesus' love in a different way than the others. He was the disciple of love. He saw the miraculous. He was a son of thunder changed into the beloved. I can relate to him more. I was a son of thunder as well. The anger I had inside at life and God was indeed thunderous. The legalism fed that well. Grace was the cure. Love was the cure. Not great showy miracles. Quiet ones. To change from constant fear and anger and despair to peace of any sort and love cannot happen apart from a miracle of God at work in my life.
I still have anger and fear and despair, and will until I get rid of this limited body, but, I know peace and love and forgiveness like never before. The love that is so powerful to change a heart of stone into a heart that is soft and open is a miracle. To go from being a zombie and suicidal with rampages or impotent rage to someone who now knows joy as well as mourning is a very big miracle. To go from feeling like a freak and outcast to feeling loved and carefully handcrafted and unique is huge.
GCF has the miraculous happen regularly. I am proof. Syd is proof. Bonnie is proof. Countless others are proof. The miracles were not showy, but they happened nonetheless. Jesus had a wide range of miracles in his ministry. GCF does as well. The Spirit is alive and well here today. Just as there were those who left Jesus after being healed, and their miracle wasn't cancelled out, we will have that happen as well. It has happened. It will happen. Most importantly to me--it IS happening.
I thank God he led me to know you and hear your message and be touched by His Spirit through your words and love and prayers! I am a totally different person than I was even 1 year ago. I am more me than ever before. I am more who God created me to be than I thought possible. That is very powerful. Paul taught the cross, not miracles. Miracles followed him. Miracles follow you. I am one. And you will never convince me otherwise!!!
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